Spiritual Blocks
Sometimes, we can get stuck in what feels like a mental, and emotional cul-de-sac. It is a painful and frustration experience that takes us nowhere. And yes, we may later realize that act of 'getting stuck' is a powerful teaching - an important lesson. But when we are feeling blocked, we have forgotten our options, or simply have not yet developed our skills in applying them.
I help those who feel their spiritual tools do not work. And I assist others in discovering the many ways of changing their minds. I have gathered many spiritual tools that relieve suffering. These ways are outlined in any major spiritual practice and yet sometimes, we misunderstand, mis-read, mis-apply the practice.
Being shown another way, being reminded to look within, can be a powerful turning point.
What follows are examples of situations or issues that people bring to me in my tutoring role. I hope you find this helpful.
How can I strengthen my spiritual focus (will?)
How do I deepen my commitment?
How do I develop true humility?
How can I let go of all the petty day-to-day disturbances
What do I do with these negative feelings? They seem to have a life of their own
I'm on a spiritual path - I should know how to deal with this
I practice forgiveness, but it doesn't work. I am just as upset with them as before!
Just when I begin to feel peace, up comes the inner turmoil
No one else in my life is on this path, I am very lonely
How do I know when I'm getting somewhere?
How do you prepare for the death of a loved one?
If this is what you are experiencing, I can help. I can work with you to accept it, forgive it, let it go.
I cannot let him/her go
Contemplate the quality of love. It is not controlling or possessive. These feelings stem from other than love.
The spiritual student is searching for the constancy of Peace in all life situations. When we commit deeply we understand that Peace is to be found not only in the mantra, the meditation practice, in worship and reading holy text, but in everyday life, everyday life situations. These situations include loss, deaths, and great changes. To have someone we love die, leave us, move away or decide not to befriend us, brings out all of our beliefs about love and being lovable. These trials then bring up the opportunity to look again at the programs that run our lives.
Once we decide we are 'on the path', events we would normally call catastrophic are viewed as opportunities to practice Peace. Putting acute life events into a different context radically shifts our life-view. Once our life- view shifts, we realize these events are openings to growth.
When a life crisis arises, such as in this "I cannot let him/her go" situation, I ask for Higher Help. I ask to have the Truth revealed to me. I ask to remember what it is I want to come of this situation.
Now the mind is open and it becomes easier to look again and can see anew. When I feel I am 'right' about a situation, I defend it. When 'I-know', I am blind to another way of seeing the situation.
Feelings such as this person should be with me; this person should love me; this person let me down; betrayed me; promised one thing and did another; shuts the door of Peace in us. Looking again, asking for the Truth, shows us there may be another way to perceive this and then we are open to another understanding. It seems so simple, but truly, once we accept the possibility we are mistaken in our view of the situation, we are then open to ask for the Truth to be revealed.
- ask for Divine guidance
- practice releasing emotions
- ask yourself, 'what do you want for this person?'
- contemplate the qualities of love
Be willing to see this event as an opportunity. Ask yourself "Is it possible that this could be an opportunity and I cannot see it?" When you are able to do this, I also encourage you to be grateful that you have the opportunity to practice unconditional love or forgiveness, or Peace.
As spiritual devotees, we can slip into badgering our selves by saying that the "I cannot let him go" situation 'should' be a potential for growth when instead we feel trapped in unending suffering. We have read that true Love resides within and we have heard there can be no loss. Yet we feel like a victim. Our belief that we "cannot" let go just feels true. In this place of stuckness, we can begin to suspect that spiritual beliefs are wrong. When instead, what we are trapped by is our own minds and our feelings.
The energy of grief, loss and regret is at 75. [Refer to Dr. Hawkins scale of consciousness]. Our willingness to heal the attachment to another, brings us into a field of energy which calibrates at 310. Without willingness, sadly, we believe what our senses tell us. We decide that nothing will change. We believe the agony of the situation is just how it is. With willingness we are clear enough to ask for help. We are clear enough to reach out and ask for miracles (which calibrates at 540).
I can't get over being angry
Our greatest Teachers tell us to cherish Peace. Yet in our life, Peace is often considered to be without Power. It is paired in our consciousness with passivity. And in contrast, we are often taught that the force of anger is very powerful.
Anger can be subtle and sophisticated, such as in sarcasm, and in our body language, but nonetheless, it is anger. It is taught and modeled as a way of defending our self. So when we feel threatened, when we are in fear, it is anger that we look to protect us.
The sweetest lesson we can learn is that Peace is utter strength. To be peaceful when all around you is in chaos means that you have an inner certainty of safety independent of the outside world. This is the ultimate goal of a spiritual seeker. Learning how to deal with anger, therefore, is a most important part of our spiritual training.
We defend ourselves or attack another because we fear some kind of loss. There may be many situations in your life when you feel a lack of respect from others. It feels like a loss.
I encourage you to notice when it is you feel anger rising. A technique that really helps us to notice our feelings is watching our thoughts. When we practice watching our thoughts we notice that we want to defend the 'how and the what' of who we are. We believe the very core of who we are is being threatened. And when we begin to practice this 'noticing' we quickly discover our intense resistance to letting go of the need to defend our self. It is as if we cannot imagine letting go of that defending stance. We have thoughts such as: "I'll be walked over", - "They will take over my life, if I don't speak up for myself" - "No one will respect me if I don't defend myself." These and many other thought rise up as defenses to anger. As you practice watching your mind, you will notice that all of these thoughts are fear based. They are all coming from the belief that we are defined by how the world sees us.
On our spiritual path we practice asking for the Truth. We practice standing back from our thoughts and feelings. We ask our Inner Self to reveal the Truth of the situation to us. When we become skilled at this, fear begins to fall away. We find that we have less and less need to defend our self.
I offer may exercises and practices to assist you in dealing with unwanted emotions. Firstly it is imperative that you learn you can let go of your feelings. You start by practicing with small emotional experiences, later, when you are more skilled you can move into releasing anger. Letting go of our feelings teaches us that we are not at their mercy. This is not an intellectual fete, but an experience. With practice we can increase or decrease any emotion at will. By practicing releasing exercises, we will develop skills which eventually free us from our tyrannical thought system. The thought system that believes and shows us emotions hold power over us. It is not until we practice removing our self from the emotions that we actually experience this is true.
We learn that Peace, rather than the emotion of anger, carries much more Power to heal the situation. When we decide to let go of anger, it is a time to practice compassion, towards our self and others. What we are judging in another is what we do, or have done, to ourselves, either in our thoughts or in our actual lives.
- consider it a powerful teaching opportunity
- ask "What is my intention?"
- ask "Where is the power? Peace? Or anger?"
- take up the practice of watching the mind
I feel very stuck.
Learning to let go of our emotions really assists us in areas where we feel mired or bogged down. The feeling of being stuck implies that you 'know where you are going,' and it implies that there is 'somewhere to go'. Consider that feeling stuck could hold a great gift of freedom.
Do you have a daily spiritual practice? If so, use your lesson of the day, or an inspirational poem or spiritual statement to re-direct your focus.
Ask for Higher Help. Spend a moment quietly asking for the Truth and for clarity in the situation.
Embrace the feeling of 'stuck-ness'. Really. It becomes important to tell ourselves that we do not mind that feeling of stuckness. Feel being stuck. Feel it in your body, feel it in your emotional-self. Welcome it. And ask for more stuck-ness. By asking for more, we put ourselves in charge. When we stop judging it, and relatedly, when we stop resisting the feeling, it is amazing how quickly our energy changes. 'Stuck' changes to 'flow' and we move towards freedom in a split second.
I cannot get past this issue
We do not do anything alone, no matter what we believe to the contrary. As we experience, we instantly gather information, and just as quickly we decide what is happening. As we learn to listen, we hear our Inner Help. Either we choose to believe our senses or we choose to listen to our Inner Guide. Have you asked, or do you ask, for Help? Do you ask for this Help without defining what it may look like or be?
Find two or preferably three things that are positive outcomes in this issue. I mean find positive outcomes with the issue as it stands now, presumably without resolution.
If, for example, you feel that you have been hurt by another, what is it in that being hurt that has changed you for the better? Are you, for example, more conscious of not wanting to hurt others? Are you more willing to listen to others? Are you seeing how others can get caught in their own web of beliefs? Do you have more tolerance or patience for people who are sad? Look for the benefits of being stuck.
Ask for Divine Assistance and go quietly within. Ask "Am I really stuck? Is this really true?" Wait inside for the answer. Honestly ask yourself if your really wish to be free of this situation. Ask if you really want to let it go. You can do this by looking into your imagined future. What will your life be like without the situation? Asking these questions, honestly and deeply from your heart, can be most illuminating and freeing.
How can I strengthen my spiritual focus (will)?
Practicing without exception is a high state of attainment. We move towards that state by carrying out a daily practice, such as a twenty minute meditation and a contemplation of a prayer or a precept. In Reiki we say 'Just for today, do not anger'. A Course In Miracles, a spiritual study program I have been involved in for many years, has workbook lessons practiced daily for one year. Setting your intention, and carrying out your intention assists in strengthening your focus or will.
Invoking Divine Will is a most powerful way to strengthen your spiritual focus. Be ready because it is a most potent invocation.
How do I deepen my commitment?
Commitment is a gradual process in most cases. What is it you think will happen when you are deeply committed? Is a question to ask yourself. You may discover a block or a fear preventing you from 'deepening'.
How do I develop true humility?
Humility is our natural state. It is not, therefore, something to be attained. It seems to rise up in us as we remove our "I-know" stances.
Most of all, be kind to yourself. Humility comes from truly knowing Who is doing What. Until this dawns on us, we practice surrendering our assumptions and we continuously ask for Divine Inspiration.
Never think, believe or act from a place of believing you know anything. This statement is a wonderful one for contemplation.
How can I let go of all the petty day-to-day disturbances
Asking for the Truth in all situations is very helpful. But remember, letting go is a process. Do not look for a result. Results are traps. Look instead for willingness to be peaceful. I work with people to learn to let go of their emotions so that the emotional self does not rule them.
What do I do with these negative feelings? They seem to have a life of their own.
As odd as this may sound, our awareness of our negative feelings can be understood as a positive step. Perhaps before we developed this awareness we just felt them, justified them and acted on them. Now we have them and sincerely do not want them. It all begins with awareness.
Another aspect of this awareness is to remind ourselves that practicing spirituality is a life-long process. This can put perspective on the negative feelings that rise up within us. The more time we spend in Peace and the higher states, the less tolerant we are of negative feelings. This lack of tolerance can be an important marker of our progress, as there may have been a time when we were not too bothered by the negative.
The next awareness to focus on is the realization that negative thoughts and feelings are not 'you' - nor are the positive! Thoughts and feelings rise up, and you focus on them, attach to them and by attending to them, you feed them, but still, they are not you. "You are not your feelings" is a deeply, freeing awareness. When practiced, Exercise two reveals this is so. Go to this page and begin to use this simple but powerful exercise. Watching our mind is a deeply freeing experience. It allows us to experientially realize that thoughts, and their resultant feelings, arise within the mind. Yes, it may take awhile to get the hang of it, but as we watch those thoughts, we begin to shift from being controlled by them, to seeing the mechanics of thinking, then to effortlessly letting them go.
To attain Peace we need a clear mind, and a clear mind is a result of having no unfinished business within us. It is imperative to flush our hidden and the denied feelings up and out. We begin to realize the importance of forgiveness and clearing grudges toward our selves and others. When those negative thoughts and feelings come up, consider that in fact these feelings are rising because you have asked to be healed.
If however, you are experiencing prolonged, deep depression or anger and/or if your life feels permanently out of your control, seek medical help, and do so as soon as possible. Make an appointment to see a Doctor - go to a walk-in clinic if you cannot afford one. Share your challenges with her or him and ask for assistance. When we are deeply depressed or feeling out of control in anger, prescription drugs and therapeutic psychiatric intervention is wise and highly recommended. Once you are stable, you will likely be able to resume your spiritual practice.
I'm on a spiritual path - I should know how to deal with this
Feeling like this is understandable. Many of us have learned to let go of our victim roles. We have become assertive and so we think that we 'should' take action. We think that we have to 'fix' and 'do'. The action we take on our spiritual path is quite different from the action we take when being assertive. In the spiritual path we bring every belief we have into our awareness to be examined. We look at the belief, or the thoughts and resultant feelings and we stand back from them. We constantly affirm that we are not these feelings and thoughts. While this may seem to be simple, it requires a state of continuous humility (I do not know) and self-honesty (I am willing to see this differently) and a single-minded focus (above all else I choose peace).
What can be overlooked in believing we know how to deal with something is the resistance to doing it. We think because we have heard or read something, that now we know it and that we should, therefore, be able to do it and not only should we be able to do it but should do it. Reading the lesson in a book or being told it by our teacher or even memorizing it, is but a part of what is necessary to resolve an issue or to take action. It is also necessary to release or surrender the resistance or the blocks we discover we have to taking action. To find the blocks we have, it is helpful to watch the mind.
What happens when we practice watching the mind or our beliefs, is that the mind begins to automatically self-correct. It is as if when we look at our beliefs, the dross falls away from our thought system and its gold revealed.
In the beginning of this practice, the results of self-correction seem to be slow or non-existent. Yet later, after consistent and persistent practice, the process gathers speed and becomes fast and effortless.
As we look at our minds, we discover that a whole spectrum of our consciousness contains a belief that we should do something. But consider for a moment, as As trite as this sounds, when we 'know how to deal with something', it is dealt with; we do it. When I want a glass of water, for example, I don't tell myself that I should stand up and go to the cupboard to get a glass and turn on the cold tap at my sink to pour water into it. I don't go round and round in my mind telling myself "I should do that I know I should get some water!." I don't tell myself any of those things, I just do it. 'Should' statements are signals that an unexamined belief is blocking the flow of taking action. So notice that when you start a project from an 'I should do this' place of consciousness, be certain that the project will involve a lot of effort and personal will power (force). Often people stop half way through a 'should' project.
So, the illusion in your statement is that you 'should know'. This illusion, this lie, causes both distraction and stress. Ask yourself, sincerely, what it is you think you should do? Ask yourself this question the way someone who unabashedly loved you would ask. Ask in a kind, loving, patient way. We cannot make another love us or forgive us, we can only do that to and for our self.
Spiritual actions are focused on uncovering the Peace within. It is understood that the Peace is already with us, but hidden from our awareness. All the great Avatars say this. So ask yourself what is the most peaceful, loving action I can take in this situation? That question may silence your 'I-should-know-what-to-do-mind'. Eventually it dawns on us that resistance is what prevents all Peace from flooding our mind.
Practice watching your mind. Solving the inner conflict is about watching the thoughts instead of being caught in them. Once our minds are Peaceful, the answers often rise up clearly, so that the action we take is automatic and effortless.
I practice forgiveness, but it doesn't work. I am just as upset with them as before!
You may feel you have forgiven them because you were successful in letting go of some of the hurt and judgment. So give yourself kudos for that which you were able to do. And realize that you still must finish letting the whole situation go. If you are feeling upset with someone that is your cue that you have more releasing to do. Forgiveness is a process. Be as patient with yourself as possible when going through this process of deeper forgiveness work.
Another aspect of the forgiveness process that can be helpful to examine is to look within and find the times when you have acted like the person you are attempting to forgive. If they have been indifferent to you, go gently within and find the times when you were indifferent to them. Perhaps you were not indifferent to this particular person but are, or have been, to others. We can project our self-judgment on to others.
If they have been violent towards you, look within to the violent thoughts you have towards them. If they rejected you or stole from you or any number of situations others seem to need forgiving about, look within, lovingly look at yourself, and find out where you are like that.
Look for the times you were trying to make them be other than they were. If you are 'shoulding' about them (they should love me; they should be nice to me; they shouldn't be angry with me or they shouldn't drink... whatever), then you are trying to make them other than they are.
You can only change you. So, you might want to look at your resistance to not accepting them as they are.
Another aspect of practicing forgiveness is to be that which you want them to be. For example, if you want them to be more loving, be more loving to them. All that you want from another is that which you deny yourself. Someone isn't respectful? look inside and find that lack of respect within you. Someone doesn't love you, look at your self-dislike. Someone is sarcastic? Lies? Is indifferent? All this is within you.
How will you know this to be true? Begin to notice how your family and friends are irritated, upset or annoyed by some behaviour that doesn't bother you in the least. And notice that behaviours that really bother you, do not bother them. What upsets us about another, we begin to realize, is what upsets us about our self. Watch this in others and it is easily revealed, then watch for it in your self. Be kind to yourself during these inner searches. Be kind and patient. If you cannot be kind to yourself, cultivate kindness before stepping into forgiveness practice.
Just when I begin to feel peace, up comes the inner turmoil
Notice how bedazzled you are by the 'inner turmoil'. Dr. Hawkins describes our ego (that which pumps out the turmoil), as a transistor radio blaring in a huge empty stadium. Our attention is caught - mesmerized by the noise in the radio, when in truth, 99% of our minds are in Peace. Accept the turmoil as a gift. You have asked for healing - for Peace - and so, that which blocks the Peace must rise up. That which stops the quiet arrives in your life in the form of problems and issues. When we step onto the spiritual path, when we intend to heal our mind, all its mis-thought rises up in the form of doubt and turmoil. When that inner turmoil comes up, welcome it. When you do this, then you You have put the inner turmoil state in a different context - it is no longer victimizing you, now it is a beacon for change and it is in fact helping you.
When you stop feeding the inner turmoil, and watch it, allow it, welcome it instead (exercise #2), you will be surprised how it fades. Decide for Peace and stick with the 99% of your mind that maintains Peace and practice letting go of that tiny 1% which is noisy.
No one else in my life is on this path, I am very lonely
Well of course you could seek out groups of like-minded people. Look in your local paper, church bulletin boards, on the net. Many people gather weekly to meditate or share ideas and practices. [See our links page.] Until you do meet like-minded people, notice how everyone around you is potential for the practice of Peace. You might be surprised how many friends you have. Loneliness is one of those states that takes action to resolve. So I would ask you to watch your thoughts and feelings when you think about meeting like-minded people. Just watch.
It is in this place in your mind that you may discover a resistance to being with others on the path. (see the section on this page: "I'm on a spiritual path - I should know how to deal with this".) When you notice the resistance in doing, in having or acting the way you want, be persistent. Just watch and let go of the feelings. If you practice this exercise of watching your thoughts, you will likely have spiritually focused people walking into your life. And you will likely let go of the 'feeling' of being lonely as well.
Also, loneliness is one of those states of mind we believe to be true - it certainly feels true - but is not. If we are all One, it is not possible to be alone. The awareness that we are not alone however, can be obscured. What is it you need from another? Can they really provide this need? These two questions are most helpful to contemplate.
I can't seem to meditate
There are many wonderful books out about meditation; my favorite continues to be as Stephen Levine's "The Gradual Awakening".
It is often helpful to join a group of meditators. The weekly commitment helps you to keep your practice going until you are skilled enough to be patient and willing to let go of wanting results. In that state of patience, you are likely to achieve a moment or two of peace.
Brief how-to explanations about meditation are usually all that is necessary for you to begin. As with any aspect of our spiritual endeavours, it is in the practice that we receive the experience. Success in meditation begins by having a few seconds - yes seconds of peace. Much success in meditation is about letting go of the noisy mind, and surrendering our fascination with thinking and feeling. Meditating and contemplating are a life-long processes. Pat yourself on the back, seriously, if you can meditate for prolonged periods of time, then begin to meditate while engaged in activities until you live your life that way.
Sitting on your pillow for 20 minutes a few times per day is passive - traditionally understood as meditation. On the other hand, the 'Watching the mind' exercise is an active meditation. I can happily teach you to meditate. I taught groups for many years and it is quite simple to teach. However, as a meditator, perseverance and letting go of wanting results are two attitudes that will be most helpful to cultivate.
How do I contemplate?
Contemplation is taking a thought such as "There is nothing to fear." and allowing your self to hold that thought in mind.
Contemplation is the opposite of deciding you know the answer or can ever know it. Instead contemplation is listening to what rises up in our mind when we pose a question. Contemplation allows us to move deeper and deeper into the Mind. It allows us to be in a state of I-do-not-know, which is at state that is open and willing to listen and to hear a recontextualization of how we p erceive the world. This openness eventually leads to Silence.
When our personality is confronted with the Truth, it is silenced. Contemplation then, like most spiritual practice, is understood better when experienced than when talked about.
To contemplate, take a sentence that intrigues you and spend the day, the week, your life, wondering, and asking for understanding, but without settling on any answers. The remarkable thing about the mind is that when it believes it 'knows', when it believes it has the answer, it is shut. It stops looking any further and becomes totally blind to other ways of experiencing life. In this way, our beliefs become invisible and run us without us really knowing that they do.
Contemplation is recommended by Dr. Hawkins and is the practice used in the ACIM workbook.
How do I know when I'm getting somewhere?
Perhaps it would be more helpful for you to let go of wanting to 'get' somewhere. Wanting pushes us into the future. 'Been stuck there a lot my self. So We practice until we do not need to ask the question any longer. It is in the practice that we clear the clouds from our minds and this practice will allow Truth to rise like the morning sun.
How do you prepare for the death of a loved one?
The simple answer rests in these three questions:
- In this moment are they alive now?
- You are projecting yourself and them into a future, what of now?
- In this moment, are you being how you absolutely wish to be with them?
Now is in your control and you are the only one you can control. Check out how you are and modify accordingly. It is a sweet sweet experience to extend love, to extend love to your capacity to your loved ones.
When we love, we attach. We feel the beloved is part of us. It is a universal feeling of loving. Later, as we progress, the love we feel emanates from our minds out, much like the sun shines. The loving-ness is not focused on a person or our family or an outside 'thing', yet it feels incredibly powerful. There is no doubt it is love you are expressing but it is love impersonal. Until we achieve that state of consciousness, we deal with attachment, we deal with potential loss, we deal with grief.
If you look at the people you love, every day of your life, and say to your self, "All these people will be dead in a hundred years." You have acknowledged the impermanence of the body. People get depressed doing this and that is because they do not complete it. This realization is a truth of our life. Look around, soon it will change. Can you control this? Can you stop it? What can you do about the fact that we will all die? Contemplate this.
This is a very frustrating, upsetting focus. Like the sun setting and rising, death is a part of living on this planet and needs to be honoured and respected as a "Just so" situation. It will happen to all your loved ones and to you. Who would you be without the thought that dying is somehow wrong, and unfair. How would you react towards yourself and others if you stopped hiding this fact of life and embraced it? This is the stuff of contemplation. How would you be with your beloveds if you accepted their inevitable deaths? Would you be kinder? More forgiving? Would you offer more love?
I eat well, exercise and take good care of my body. I am devoted to my spiritual path. Now I have this grave illness. How can this be?
Many of us have dealt with grave illnesses and moved past them into wellness. We wonder why this happened? We often look for blame. "Maybe I should have eaten better food, or perhaps exercised more...", and so on. Exercise, balanced diet, stress free living impact the body so that it lives in a fit and healthy state while we are we are alive. I believe, however, that when we are due to die, we will die. Suicide seems that it may be an exception, I still have unanswered questions about that.
The grave illness you have could simply be your way to leave the planet. It could be your time. This is one possibility. If this is so, it is no spiritual failure. When the time-line given for your body is over, it is over. For some that time-line is while in the womb, or as an infant, a child, a teen, a young middle aged or old adult. We believe that the elderly - those who are long-lived, have done it right. If you take time and do the research you will discover that neither diet nor exercise nor right thinking increases the lifespan of some people. They seem to have 'done' everything they are 'supposed' to and yet they die. Look to nature and you will see that time-line is everywhere. Some plants thrive beside the one that shrivels - same 'right conditions' and yet, one lives and one dies. So let go of blame. Blame is poison to happiness.
Is your mind ill? Are you moving towards peace as frequently as possible? Look within yourself and watch your thinking. Be so very gentle with yourself when asking these questions. There is your work, there is your joy. Read uplifting words, listen to joy-filled music, do your forgiveness and letting go practice. Meditate. When we know Peace, it is of no consequence as to whether the body is ill or well. Surround yourself with joy, love, peace. These higher states are potent and healing for the mind and the body.